Alleviate Suffering....meditate perhaps, but definitely Mediate your Divorce.

I hypothesize that the top three fears emanating from a divorce are the fear of pain, the fear of suffering and the fear of failure.

I have always viewed the first and second ‘fear’ as synonyms that were inseparable like conjoined twins. All these years of identifying these very different and distinct meanings as just one fear and in the time it took my yoga teacher to present her dharma , I had clarity and two new and separate definitions for pain and suffering.

Pain hurts. Pain drains. Pain engulfs. Pain stabs. Pain lingers. Pain grows. Pain drugs.

The actions taken by a spouse can cut to the core of your heart, soul and bank account. The pain rollercoaster is extremely difficult to ride and it is even harder to dismount.

The interesting thing is that we as humans have the capacity to lighten the pain level when we can tap into and control our own personal suffering.

Suffering: The state or experience of one that suffers (pain).

To endure. To submit. To bear. To Tolerate. To stand. To abide.

That is correct, I am saying that we can gain control of our suffering. The imperative is to not step on the suffering bus. That does not mean that is all there is to it. The hard part is to learn how to become more mindful of each moment that you live in your life. We must learn to step through/over/around the suffering. It is true that human beings are placed in trying situations; dehumanizing situations; horrible and unconscionable situations. The trick, as sung by Jerry Garcia, is to find the light where you would least likely expect it.

When the pain and devastation of divorce strikes a couple there is the undeniable, visceral sense that there is no life preserver to be thrown to save either person. The natural reaction is to thrash about and wildly grab on to something…anything that will keep you afloat and give you even the slightest modicum of decency and shelter from the impending onslaught of divorce.

It is at this place: vulnerable, exposed and stripped of money, friends and family that the fear of failure punctuates its nasty presence. Husband’s and Wive’s begin to claw into 410(k) accounts; holding the dog hostage in exchange for the anniversary necklace; demanding the sale of the marital residence even though no equity remains or latching on to false unsupported truths which alienate the children.

The problem for couples behaving in this way is that this behavior does nothing more than to reinforce and reconstitute the pain one is feeling.

What is critically needed is a life line that provides the recipient the means to shift and reset the sensors that identify pain. The act of taking dominion and control over your personal suffering is not just a pre-divorce prerequisite. It is a post-divorce mantra. It is a new life “ life preserver”.

That is why we embraced the name Mediate for Life. We want the tools and mindset you acquire and hone through the work you do with our mediators to inform each and every healthy choice you make. Your transition from the valley of divorce to the plateaus and peaks of your new life are attainable when you lighten your back pack of your suffering.