Marriage to Divorce ...A Pet Peeve can derail the trip.
Do you have a “Pet Peeve” ?
At first glance it seems like such a harmless, insignificant thing for one to have.
However, upon closer inspection, a pet peeve is something that a person finds especially annoying. Not necessarily a fleeting, whimsy of annoyance, rather be ‘Peeved’ is to be irritated, angered, agitated and provoked.
The question that is begged to be asked: Is there space in mediation for a pet peeve?
“ I really despise how she sips her morning coffee .”
“I can’t stand the fact that he never combs his hair.”
“Why does her car have to always smell like cat litter?”
“ It drives me crazy when he sits in bed and brushes his teeth.”
Some pet peeves are more sinister and stem from deeper negative feelings that elicit fear and anger and real power struggles. They may appear on the surface as inconsequential peeves but in reality, it’s road rage but on the marital highway.
In the course of our divorce mediation practice we have seen client’s who were ruefully sarcastic; painfully cynical; over-the-top bombastic; crude, belligerent and down right mean. Yet, when we have acknowledged and addressed their behavior and asked them to reframe their position, the communication flow became more clear, more fruitful and honest.
However, there is a deep seated nucleus to a pet peeve that is borne out of wedlock.
The roots run deep and spread wide. To move a pet peeve so that a transparent dialogue can be started is a monster of a task for a mediator. There is so much connected to the pet peeve artery…layer after layer of feelings and emotions and experiences and betrayals, misgivings and ignorance.
When a couple is in the heat of divorce and under the pressure of mediating a divorce, having a mediator that knows the law is definitely a basic given. But, it is not a forgone conclusion that simply because your mediator has some introductory footing in New York State Divorce Law, that your mediator knows anything about how a pet peeve can side track a Divorce Mediation for weeks, months or worse.
The sole purpose of Divorce Mediation is for the couple to arrive at an Agreement which details their marital separation and ultimate divorce. How can one anticipate and expect to achieve an open, truthful and fair atmosphere within which to mediate the integral tenets of their dissolving marriage when every other thought or comment is tainted with the mud and heaviness of the peeve.
Sure you want a Mediator that knows the New York State Child Support Guidelines and the formula used to calculate maintenance or the Court’s possible positions regarding travel restrictions, college spending, pension distribution and ownership of the engagement and anniversary rings. But, you also want a divorce mediator who is well versed in the language of pet peeves and the psychology of damaged communications.
At Mediate for Life Divorce Mediation Center, our divorce mediators have over 70 years combined experience navigating around and through the world of Pet Peeves. Patricia has overseen decades of therapeutic and psychological sessions with couples, individuals and families leading her to be aptly praised as a seer of inner unresolved conflict shaded as a per peeve. Steven has learned from his years representing clients in family and marital distress as well as his immersion over the past 30 years in representing clients in Criminal Law, Real Estate matters and Wills and Estates, that you can’t hide love and you certainly can’t disguise bull shit.
We hope to one day have your trust and your directive to guide and work with you on your journey from Marriage to Divorce.
In the course of our divorce mediation practice we have seen client’s who were ruefully sarcastic; painfully cynical; over-the-top bombastic; crude, belligerent and down right mean. Yet, when we would acknowledge and address their behavior and ask them to reframe their position, the communication flow became clearer, more fruitful and honest.
However, there is a deep seated nucleus to a pet peeve that is borne out of wedlock.
The roots run deep and spread wide.