WHEN HAVING A DIVORCE GARAGE SALE ,BEWARE THE PANDORA'S BOX
The Fall season is an excellent time to clean out the garage. The weather is cool and the air is crisp, making for perfect weather to sift thru the plethora of boxes that have accumulated where your car should reside.
In a Divorce Mediation, the unpacking of the garage is highly charged with deep seeded feelings of resentment, self protection, suspicion and revenge. These feelings are a virtual “ Alice in Wonderland’s Rabbit Hole”.
While some of you my be a hoarder or a hoarder in training, most garages are simply the over flow of one’s everyday existence…down hill winter skiis; summer boogie boards; spring’s outdoor wood project, together with luggage; cases of water; bicycles and a sundry of items dating back to the first day you moved into the house. The problem is that though they may appear to be inanimate objects that have a heart and life of their own that trigger a deep well of emotions for us.
Rummaging through the garage with a keen eye to cleaning it out is the epitome of unpacking a divorce.
The crux of the magic to make the process tolerable and honest is to find your footing between the here and now and your future. I analogize the approach to the three ‘Warrior’ positions in yoga.
In Warrior One, the hips and body are squared off and arms are up over head with hands facing each other. It is a solid pose grounded in what you have brought to your yoga mat from the time before your current practice.
Warrior Two, the legs are slightly bent, one forward and one behind while the arms mirror the legs, stretching, one behind you and one forward . You stand centered, waiting and ready to move.
And Warrior Three finds the yogi standing on one leg with arms in flight…balanced, powerful on the precipice of the future.
What posture are you in? Can you stand in the here and now and breathe deep, taking in what you need not necessarily what you may want as you scan the floor and shelves of the garage?
Garden tools, yeti bags, stemware, photo albums, record albums, discarded appliances. These are the landmines that scorch the garage floor. This is the divorce mouse trap captured in a room that typically is not considered part of the couples family living environment. And yet, during a marriage and definitely during a divorce, the garage becomes the “Situation Room”. The command center for how and how not to handle the dissolution of one’s marriage.
We can not move forward into our future and expose ourselves to the wonder and beauty and stability of a new life whilst we hold onto and cannot let go of the anchor clutched in our hand shaped like a bear trap or a photo album or an insulated bag.
When anger and hurt and disgust grip a couple, impeding their ability to mediate out the issues surrounding retirement benefits or who takes the marital residence, it becomes a logical transference to draw battle lines over the album “ Frampton Comes Alive” or the hummingbird feeder that was never cleaned of its now fermented sugar water.
Let it be know that the mediators at Mediate for Life Divorce and Family Dispute Center are ready, willing and highly trained to mediate any thing you bring to the ‘check out’ table.
In mediation we can support you with invaluable time to allow you to find your voice and embrace that space that will permit you to make a decision to let go of fear and the past and accept what it is that will give you strength, clarity and transparency. This is the way to a new life and a garage free of debris.
Pull down the sign that says, “ Garage Sale Today.”
Put up a sign that says,” Please do not disturb. Mediation Session in progress.”