FOR WHOM DO YOU HAVE LOVE IN YOUR HEART?

More often than you may think, a couple comes into Divorce Mediation with Love still in their hearts for their respective spouse.

The Husband and Wife only want to do what is fair and right in the light of their own generosity and compassion for the other.

In the initial sessions the couple embrace the concept that they may deviate from the litigious paradigm that would have them locked in battle as they pursue each other with their fighting lawyers in court.

It varies per person, but invariably a shift in one or both of the couple’s mindset can be detected as mediation continues. It is hard to discern at first. The telltale sign for me is when the conversation in the mediation session begins to revisit the tenets of Maintenance.

You may think that talking about alimony sounds more like a financial issue and that the parties are reevaluating their budgets and inventorying their assists. However, the real reason that mutual understanding and communication devolve is that at least one person has begun to internalize the fact that Love as they have known it, has dissolved.

The devastating reality and the ominous revelation that one is no longer the influencer to their soon to be ex is a cold hard slap in the face. Blood drains from their face…empathy and generosity empty from their veins. I know for sure when I hear the words, “ Why should I?”.

It is one thing to be a divorce mediator and have to mediate the dissolution of bank accounts; personal property and real property holdings. They are like car parts that can be separated and segregated and negotiated toward the creation of a settlement agreement. The critical challenge in our Mediate for Life Divorce Mediation practice is to engage and mediate the loss of Love, Trust, Faith and Hope. When the mind and soul of a person are lost, it’s over.

As we stand knee deep in the holiday season and just weeks away from the New Year, it is critical to keep in mind this crucial ‘reality check’: Love and Generosity are not stocks or bonds. Neither are they like mutuals or vacation homes or business investments or wardrobes or jewelry boxes. Love and generosity emanate from deep within the core of each person. They represent a unique coding for each human. The gifts and blessings that we each have as beings in this life do not get added to the list of what is on the negotiation table.

Throughout the course of the divorce mediation journey, you may shed physical attachments and let go of long held expectations in order to explore becoming a happier and better person post divorce. You may trade your ‘financial playing cards’ in order to discover sustainability and stability. But, never turn your back on your own emotions and the power of self. Love dwells within you. Hope reside inside each of us. Divorce may orchestrate a different dynamic between you and those in your orbit but the paradigm of holding Love, respect and caring for oneself is off the table and not for sale.