DON'T COMPLAIN ALONE...INVITE US INTO THE CONVERSATION

This past weekend I attended my first yoga class of 2020.

Not unexpectedly, the dharma began with a discussion of New years resolutions.

However, it was not about resolving to lose weight or committing to turning ones back on white sugar. Rather the discussion centered on the fluidity of change.

A resolution is another way of stating that one has decided to let a piece of themselves die and become reborn as a newly recognized individual.

In the context of this recent yoga class, the resolution was to achieve the posture of bakasana, crow pose. The means to get to a full crow practice requires one to let go of old repetitive negative feelings and replace them with positive yoga repetition for the legs, arms, and core until the muscles and the mind, as one, recognize the shape and form of crow.

It is a simple concept: Think negatively and negativity shall be your reward. Think positively and the world shall be your oyster.

The question is, do you want to continue to complain or do you want to change?

In divorce mediation the one constant is that both the husband and wife have a lot to complain about. The problem is that complaining has taken on an omnipresent persona. People complain about the weather; their spouse’s snoring; their neighbor’s yard and the state of the union. What we must do as mediation practitioners is to ratchet down on the particular behaviors one is complaining about and utilize a new vocabulary in order too identify which type of complaining is in play.

I do not think, at least at this point in time, anyone can survive without some healthy intermittent venting. The mere act of articulating what is gnawing at you from within your gut is an optimum method of cleansing your nervous system and self regulating your emotional balance.

Then, there is the act of complaining in search of a resolution or goal. Complaining to your child that their room is filthy is part of the equation to get them to change their cleanliness habits.

The category that has consumed so many people is the obsessive, incessant complaining that leads nowhere but to negative feelings and ultimate depression. The constant act of complaining chisels a granite hard pathway along ones neuro-pathways which impedes and thought pattern other than that of catastrophic imminence.

The act of being in a continuous state of complaining is actually a trained endeavor. It is simply a repetitive response to what one sees and hears. The scary thing about complaining is that it can become addictive. The fear response is triggered and the adrenaline starts to flow allowing the defense mechanism to fall into position. It take an awful lot of energy and focus to make this happen. When a person habitually complains, their body and mind find a gold vein of comfort in the way their body rallies to protect and insulated them. If, after a short time, there is no real perceived harm or negative target, the fullness felt by the complainer is replaced with depression.

Let me tell you…unchecked complaining and depression are not compatible with successful divorce mediation.

Breathe deep and will you breath and your blood to travel to your throat and heart. Make this your New Years resolution. To make the words you speak, communicate truth, respect and mindfulness.

Stop complaining…..and contact Mediate for Life Divorce Mediation Center…for a change.